I was rushing through my short window of time to prepare a meal for a family in need.

Between work and picking up the kids from school and dashing off to the next evening activity, I quickly prepared the casserole and jammed it into the fridge.

The next time I opened the fridge, however, the entire casserole slipped out and spilled — broken dish and all — at my feet.

I would not be bringing that meal to the family in need that night after all.

For 10 seconds, my jaw hung open in disbelief.

Then I pulled out the paper towel and got to work cleaning up the mess, offering it up the best I could, for the souls in Purgatory.

While I was wiping up the pasta mess, I couldn’t help but wonder why my efforts to help someone else were thwarted.

Hidden suffering 

This seems to be something Our Lord has been wanting me to ponder lately, as other examples have surfaced, too.

Take, for instance, my friend who has battled cancer for many years.

I thought she was in remission, since every time I see her she is active and always smiling. I learned with surprise recently that the cancer is back, but by her constant joy, you’d never know it.

“You don’t have to look far to find someone else who has it worse than you do,” she said, revealing a clear sense of great gratitude even in the face of her cross.

Even so, I couldn’t help but wonder why God would allow my beautiful friend — who loves Him so much — to suffer in this way.

Why suffering?

Sometimes we can’t understand God’s ways — because our ways are not His ways after all.

When we are doing something good for someone else, or we are sacrificing our lives for the Church or for our families, we might expect our efforts to be blessed.

But when things go wrong, we may wonder: Why would God allow suffering to come to those who are striving to help Him?

Maybe the suffering serves as a purification of our souls, a little taste of Purgatory here on earth.

Maybe it is a way for Our Lord to invite us more deeply into trusting Him.

Maybe it is how we can offer up our prayers for those who need it more than we do.

And sometimes suffering just happens, due ultimately to Original Sin and the fact that we are not in Heaven yet.

How to handle 

When it happens, we need to focus not so much on what the suffering is, but how we handle it.

Does it lead us ultimately to:

• A closer union with Our Lord?

• A deeper compassion or understanding of others?

• A more meaningful relationship built on trusting that Our Lord will use all things for our good?

• An opportunity to pray for those who can’t pray for themselves?

In the case of my friend, I realized that perhaps it was the suffering that made her even more beautiful, because the joy she regularly exudes stems from her love and dependence on Our Lord, deepened by the very cross she carries.

Value of suffering 

This was indeed the case with the saints, who embraced suffering because they knew it drew them closer to Our Lord, as “servants are not greater than their master” (John 13:16).

“Don’t complain if you suffer. It is the prized and valued stone that is polished,” said St. Josemaría Escrivá (Furrow, #235). “Does it hurt? — Allow yourself to be cut, gratefully, because God has taken you in His hands as if you were a diamond. An ordinary pebble is not worked on like that.”

“We who move in the way of Love must never allow ourselves to be disquieted by anything. If I did not suffer simply from moment to moment, I would find it impossible to be patient, but I look only at the present, forget the past and am careful never to anticipate the future,” said St. Thérèse of Lisieux in The Story of A Soul. “When we surrender to discouragement or despair, it is usually because we are thinking too much of the past or the future.”

Softening hearts

This Advent, re-examine your reactions to the “messes” in your physical and spiritual lives.

Where are you asking, “Why, Lord?”

Then pray for the grace to say instead: “Here you go, Lord. Please make something good of it for someone else.”

Offering up suffering — in big and small ways, in our physical and spiritual lives — serves a purpose, preparing our hearts to become wider, deeper, fuller, more like Our Lord’s.

After all, that is the goal of the Advent season.

What better way is there to help soften our hearts than to welcome Baby Jesus at Christmas?