There are many reasons why I would make a horrible academic of any sort.
One of those reasons is that I’m not very good at taking note of where I read or saw something.
If I read something online about something interesting or profound, I’ll know I saw it somewhere, but I’ll just add it to the rest of the jumbled mess that is my brain.
A recent experience of this is when I asked The Google questions about hate. Why does someone hate another person?
This is where my weakness shows up.
While I didn’t watch it (I’m sure I got distracted by some other rabbit hole), I saw an online video titled something like “People Hate What They Can’t Relate To”.
As that statement entered into my head, I had a philosophical “Oh” and “Ah” moment as I pondered those words.
Again, I unfortunately don’t know where this came from, nor have I found it again so if this belongs to someone who might be mistakingly or accidentally reading this, I do mean to give you full credit for your idea.
All that being said, I have been thinking about that for the past week.
It might not answer all of the questions about hate, but it does generate discussion.
Why you ‘hate’ me
Not to make this all about me, but we will use me as an example. I’ll take the hate hit.
There have been many moments in my life where people have not liked me. “Hate” may be a strong word, but I’m sure a few people felt that toward me.
I’ve asked myself have there been moments in my life where people could not “relate” to me and did those lead to negative feelings toward me?
I immediately recalled my college years in which I found myself sometimes displayed as a freak show novelty for most people aged 18 to 22 — someone who doesn’t drink alcohol.
This was commonly one of the most confusing elements about me to my peers in those years.
The reactions were rarely positive, but sometime more of a hostile “What is wrong with you?”.
For better or worse, a lot of people in college like to partake and experiment with spirited beverages. This is normal and “relatable” to many.
The fact that someone wouldn’t do such a thing tends to be “unrelatable” and creates an immediate wedge.
Was it necessarily hatred? Perhaps not, but it was a strong dislike.
Before I met many other Catholics in the Diocese of Madison, my being a “church-goer” was also confusing and not relatable to many people that I interacted with.
There was absolutely nothing inherently wrong with my choice to not drink alcohol or, especially, to believe in the Catholic faith.
However, these things were different and not relatable so therefore they made me confusing; next step, unlikable; next step, hated. Yeah, it’s a bit of a stretch, but these things certainly drove people away and sometimes invited some nasty comments.
The same can be said for my fandom of silent movies, my shyness, my tendency to avoid most things modern and trendy, and my overuse of Marx Brothers quotes in daily conversation.
There is really nothing wrong with any of these, but most people can’t relate to those things; therefore, I must be shunned and made fun of.
Why I don’t ‘hate’ you
At the outset of this section, I have to ask myself: Am I guilty of disliking people for fickle things? Yeah. I am.
I know I have unfairly judged people I couldn’t relate to. I’m sorry.
If the concept of “relate” is all it takes to understand hate, then the solution is simple, we have to find more ways in which we do relate to each other.
Let’s start small with things we know we have in common, or we’d like to think so.
Everyone wants to be happy. We don’t all get there the same way. We don’t all get there the right way, but we want to be happy.
We want to be loved. Same comments. See above.
We all want to feel like we have a place in this world.
We all were created beautiful and good and you can’t totally kill beautiful and good.
When it comes to the people out there who we hate or just “heavily dislike,” are you OK with the idea that deep down, they want the same things out of life that you do?
Do differences of opinion and method justify hate?
If only common ground and respectful disagreement were step one before justifiable action against another person or people.
I’m not saying you have to be super close to everyone in your life, but we do all have to live together on this planet in various capacities.
Let’s start small: I won’t hate you if you won’t hate me. Deal?
Thank you for reading.
I’m praying for you.