Dear Readers,
My grandson was about five that spring Sunday when the homily dealt with the need to embrace change. One change the priest was lamenting was the impending loss of landlines. As we walked to the car after Mass, I turned to Henry and said, “You probably don’t even know what landlines are, do you?”
“Of course I do, Grandma! They’re those fuzzy yellow things all over our yard!”
It wasn’t the condescending tone that bothered me; it was the eye-rolling which went with it.
Have you been feeling particularly old lately, dear Readers? I certainly have.
It’s been almost two years since you and I took that old-age test together, and unless my memory is failing, we all passed with flying colors! We were definitely not old then, but perhaps it’s time to re-visit another version of that exam – just to make sure.
Give yourself ten points for each “yes” answer:
- Do you still have a landline?
- Do you still refer to your cell phone as a “telephone”?
- In the last few months, have you referred to your refrigerator as the “ice box?”
- Do you still have cable TV?
- Do you still have a rabbit-ear antenna and tone/tint knobs on your TV?
- Do you still read a paper newspaper?
- Do you still send paper birthday cards?
- Do you still send paper birthday cards with crisp new dollar bills inside?
- Do you still send paper birthday cards with crisp new dollar bills inside and for which you never receive a thank you note? (!)
- Do you remember when the only way to pay for things was with cash or check?
- Do you remember when you had to physically go to a brick-and-mortar store to purchase those items?
- Do you remember when, if you didn’t go to the store, you could have your purchase delivered from the Sears Catalog via the horse-drawn Wells Fargo Wagon?
- Do you remember who Teddy Roosevelt was?
- Did you personally know Teddy Roosevelt?
Now, add up your score but subtract 50 points if you regularly run errands wearing yoga pants, skinny jeans, or baggy pajama bottoms.
The results:
0 to 50: You’re still a spring chicken!
60 to 90: You’re still a spring chicken but with a little less bounce in your “spring!”
100 to 140: You’re a spring chicken but with lots of grey feathers and a ton of wisdom!
TA-DAAH!! None of us is truly old after all! So, to celebrate the springtime of the year and the springtime of our lives, join me in picking all those “landlines” from your (or Henry’s) yard to make a large dandelion salad and a big batch of dandelion wine. (I’ll send you Nonie’s recipe).
P.S. Whenever possible, embrace change, but ignore the eye-rolling!
Linda E. Kelly is a member of Blessed Sacrament Parish in Madison.