Q My mother just moved into a lovely condominium. It is not designated as an “over 55 community,” however many older adults live there.
Lately, my mother has been telling me about some instances when she hears the doorbell ring very late at night or very early in the morning.
She is careful not to get up, is vigilant about making sure the door is locked, and has a home security system sign posted by the front door. There is no evidence that someone is trying to break in or that anything is disturbed.
She has not notified anyone and insists she is fine. I don’t want to doubt her, but is this a cry for attention? I find it difficult to believe that anyone would just ring someone’s doorbell and take off.
What is the point? My mother has a history of making up events to get some attention from us, so I do not always rush in to try and fix things. (From a daughter in Deerfield)
A It is completely possible that this doorbell ringing is happening.
It is called “ding-dong-dash” and is a silly and very annoying game some younger individuals play. They will randomly ring doorbells and then take off before they are caught.
Generally, the only purpose is to disturb the individual living in the home.
However, with the rise in crime we are all seeing, it would be very wise for your mother to notify someone. At the very least she should talk to her neighbors about this.
Despite the fact that she could not identify anyone, the police would appreciate having this information. They may choose to patrol the area more frequently, which may prevent further instances.
I would not delay your response to this as it could also be a way for individuals with a more serious intent to determine who lives there and if the home would be an easy target for a robbery or other crime.
The first step is to speak to your mother about this and get more details.
Then speak to the neighbors and see if the same thing is happening to them. If it is not happening to them, my thought is that she needs something from you and does not know how to ask for it.
If this is the case, your job is to find out what she is feeling and what she would like.
Maybe start by reassuring her you are still here for her and want her to be happy. Then, if she can, ask her to share her true feelings with you. This can include both fears and joys.
She may be having a hard time adjusting to her new home and missing her old neighbors and the only thing she can count on is your attention.
Whatever is happening, I would not dismiss this — either way it needs some action.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.