Q My mother insists on living in the home she and dad shared for the past 50 years. Dad passed away about eight years ago.
The issue is the “homestead” — a farm that is over 100 years old.
The house is in desperate need of repair but that is only one issue.
My biggest concern is that mom still farms. She rises every day at 5 a.m. to do her chores. That includes milking about 20 cows and caring for a few other animals.
She shovels a path to the barn in the winter and plants a large garden in the summer.
I am worried to death about her — I envision her falling and laying out there for hours with no one to help.
I check on her every day and have offered to have her live with my husband and me but she will have no part in a move.
She seems to be very willing to risk her health and safety to stay where she is.
How can I convince her to move? (From a daughter in rural Sauk County)
A I think the chances of convincing her to move are slim to none. This is her home and it is apparent that she will stay there.
You did not mention how old she is, but I would guess that she has lived on a farm or in a farming community for the majority of her life.
She probably cannot imagine any other kind of life, as it is part of her DNA.
The issue is how to put some safety measures in place for her to ease your apprehension.
Have you explained your feelings to your mother? Is she aware of how strongly you feel about this? Does she, or would she be willing to, wear a life alert or carry a cell phone at all times?
Either one of those measures could provide some measure of comfort that you could be notified in the event of a fall or other incident.
Your concern is obviously out of great love for your mother, and the desire to protect her from injury is commendable.
I would ask that you look at your mother’s happiness. How would she react if she were forced out of her beloved home to live in an apartment or with family members?
As long as she realizes the risk she is taking, she has the right to stay where she is. I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but she has the right to choose her lifestyle — and accept the risks.
It is the rest of us who have to become comfortable with this.
She sounds like an incredibly strong woman, who has raised a thoughtful and caring daughter.
Maybe there is room to meet somewhere in the middle.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.