Q I am hosting a holiday gathering for our extended family this year and have some questions about how to make the time relaxing for our older in-laws.
My husband’s parents are both experiencing some health issues and have limited energy for long celebrations.
Some family members are traveling quite a distance and are anxious to visit with them. I am worried that my in-laws will be “too gracious” and not let family know when they are tired and need to take a break.
Do you have some tips for making this enjoyable for all without offending anyone or exhausting our in-laws?
(From a daughter-in-law in Beloit)
A How thoughtful of you to consider this in advance.
Holiday gatherings can be a double edged sword in that we love to gather together to share old memories and make new ones.
At the same time the event can be stressful for older adults who may not be used to large gatherings and all of the energy created by those attending.
Relaxing environment
There are several things you can do to ensure everyone has an enjoyable time without feeling stressed.
Out of respect for your husband and his parents you might want to ask each of them for any specific information about family traditions and how to incorporate those into this year’s gathering.
Are there any restrictions your in-laws need to abide by regarding activity or diet? If they identify specific limits, share that information with your other guests so they can prepare for their time together.
If there will be several small children attending, you might have an activity prepared so they can interact with their older relatives in a more structured manner.
For example, they could create a memory book of the day, or create a quiz about the life of your in-laws to see who knows the most about them.
This will give your in-laws the opportunity to share details of their lives with a younger generation.
Also, it is a good idea to create a quiet space for your in-laws to retreat and lie down if they become too tired or overwhelmed.
You can do this by telling them that you and the family want them to enjoy themselves as much as possible and that you understand if they need to step away for some time to recharge.
Managing anxiety
If large gatherings cause anxiety, you may need to ask family members to arrive at different times so your in-laws are not trying to hold conversations with several individuals at the same time.
If your in-laws are experiencing dementia, too much stimulation can be overwhelming. Interacting with smaller groups will help them naturally manage their time and energy.
If you keep the goal of creating quality time together at the forefront and inform family members in advance of any issues, I am confident all of you will enjoy your time together.
I hope you have a blessed holiday!
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Diocese of Madison Catholic Charities.