Q I am concerned about my mother. She is in her early 80s and has enjoyed relatively good health.
She has a little arthritis but does not let that stop her from doing most everything she wants to do.
Since my father died several years ago, she has been living in an apartment complex for older adults. She has friends and seems to enjoy many of the social activities offered by the apartment management.
My concern is that lately when I visit she seems sad. For lack of a better term, she seems to have lost her “spark.”
I tried to talk to her about the upcoming holidays and she said we could discuss it later. This is a woman who used to begin Christmas shopping in July! I ask her what is going on but she dismisses the question.
I don’t know how to help her. Do you have any ideas? (From a daughter in Dodgeville)
A Your concern is valid and one that requires further questions and some action.
My experience with my own mother was similar when she reached her mid-80s.
She was having some serious health issues that caused her to need more assistance and she had a hard time reconciling the fact that she needed help and could no longer do many of the things she used to.
At one point she actually said, “What good am I to anybody anymore?” That is a heartbreaking question to hear!
Now your mother does not sound like she is having health issues, but a trip to her doctor might be in order.
There could be something going on that she is not talking about.
If she has a good relationship with this physician, she might open up to him/her about some concerns she may not be sharing with you.
It might be a good idea to ask any of her neighbors if there have been any changes within the apartment complex.
Has anyone died or moved away? She might be grieving some kind of change.
In later years, some question their life journey and begin to wonder if they did all they should or if their life was as meaningful as it might have been.
If that is the case, a conversation with a trusted priest might help her resolve these questions.
Whatever is going on, you are very wise to pay attention and let your mother know she is very important to you and to other family members.
No matter what her age is she is loved, needed, and a very valuable individual.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years, she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Diocese of Madison Catholic Charities.