You are a wonderful parent. You have done great things with your child. You are doing your best. Now that I’ve drawn you in, I can say this:
Your kids don’t need a phone. Roblox is not a babysitter. They won’t die if they’re not in the Snapchat loop. Devices are bad for your kid’s mental health.
Screens are a reality for parenting. If your kids don’t have one, chances are very good that they’re watching the screens when they go out. Our kids don’t have phones but have learned much on the school bus. It’s not uncommon to see kids on their devices at sporting events, but this is, of course, as mom and dad check the Facebook status of their friends (guilty!).
You know you can do better and so do I, but screens are so embedded!
Let Lent be the ‘bad guy’ as you secretly recover your family time and help the mental health of your kid, then.
Seems easy, right? I’m sure a few of us have tried and slid. It takes a literal change of your mindset and thoughts to do this. Here are a few tips to change your thoughts about a Lenten screen detox:
We’re not as bad as other families
“We’re not as bad as though.” Worst offender of faithful parents. It becomes your safety net to let the kids back on their device after dinner after a stressful day. Maybe your kids don’t have a phone but are surly when they don’t get their video games. Or they have limits on screen time but get into major text drama with girlfriends whenever its phone time. Everyone has their Waterloo.
New thought: “This is where we are. We can do better. This is the step I take:__.”
Do not compare or judge against others because 1. It is sinful, and 2. It will let you backslide.
You are doing your best, others will do better, and others will do worse. Move on from thoughts of comparison.
My kid needs to stay in touch
This is a legitimate concern that gets skewed by other things on a device, especially if you work outside the home. They might need to call from the bus if they are locked out, but they do not need to be playing games on a phone. They do not need to be on social media (at all or on the bus) to talk to the friends they like. They. Can. Sit.
It’s a yank the rotten tooth out solution but there is literally no other way to break this habit.
First assess if your kids really DO need to have a phone at all times. Maybe it’s yes, and maybe honestly it’s no.
Warn them, yank the fun apps (if you cannot yank the phone). Delete the apps, delete the games, put a monitor on that allows you to track their digital movements. Set consequences for breaking them.
I guess the new thought here is “My kids can stay in touch if they need to via calling or texting me only.”
I can’t just take it away, because they’ve had it for a very long time
Simply false. Yes you can, because Lent is the bad guy. If you prepare your kids, if you have the support of a friend or spouse on this, if you expect a difficult transition, then yes you can.
Look at it this way, you manage your child’s schedule, drive them to activities, take them on vacation, buy them new clothes, and probably feed them decent food.
Today’s kids are spoiled. Today’s kids are the product of having so many physical and emotional needs met, but screens seem to make an easy babysitter while secretly eating away at your kid’s mental health (and also stretching parents’ in the process). You have every right to take it away.
New thought: I am doing a wonderful thing for my kid and their other needs are met. This is going to hurt but God is so proud of my efforts.
More tips
- Hold yourself accountable to the same standards. Jesus scolded the Pharisees for expecting much of the people. Let your kids see you walk with them. Or express your frustration. You’re the parent so if you need to be checking school emails from 4-4:15, set that boundary. Even put it on your email signature so people are aware you are off your phone.
- Use the Sunday break, but don’t abuse it. These changes are rough but going all out on a Sunday will set your kids back from adjusting. When we first did this, there were no screens during the week but kids played all day on Sunday. There was a rotation for the PS5, TV, iPad. At the end of the day, no one was happy and it was like Lenten discontent was restarting. Consider the limits of this restriction or maybe don’t take a Sunday break. Every family is different.
- Have an accountability partner. You know, that friend who will support your goal but not beat you up for backsliding. Text them nightly to let them know how you are doing. Maybe you can find another mom or dad to do it with you! I find if it’s a rough night with the kids at dinner, my husband is very sympathetic to me putting kids in front of a screen because he’s been there experiencing the stress in real time. He is not that person for me. But my friend who knows my goal and is not a part of the stress. She is that person.
- Don’t be afraid to reassess screen time completely after this Lent. Does my kid really need a phone? Can I keep monitoring at this level? Can I use the phones less? I promise you things will start really hard, then get worse, and then lead to more contentment. You may want to consider keeping the limits. Just saying.
Finally, don’t brag or judge others who don’t do this. Your Father who sees in private will be pleased. Enough people will know about this when your kids complain. That’s ok, too! A lot of parents will think you are brave whether or not they tell you when that happens. This is a great way to detox, help your kids mental health, and genuinely reassess how your family does screen time.
Monica Simpson is a parishioner at Blessed Trinity Parish in Dane and Lodi.