Q: This is a very hard question to ask, but here goes. I have been helping my mom for the past couple of years. So far it has been house cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping — that kind of help. Lately I have noticed a strong smell of urine on her. I also notice it when I do her laundry and I think she is having problems with incontinence. I asked her if she had problems getting to the bathroom on time and she shrugged it off saying, “You have to expect that kind of thing when you are my age.” She is in pretty decent health for her age (86) so I don’t want to push this, but is it normal to lose some bladder control as you age? (From a daughter in Lodi).
A: The quick answer is NO! It is not normal. My first recommendation is to ask her to see her physician. If this is a sudden change, it might be a sign of a bladder infection. Once that has been ruled out, you might look at other factors that could explain this.
Is she taking any kind of medication that has this side effect?
Other possible causes are foods and liquids that act as stimulants. Does she drink coffee or other beverages with caffeine? Other items that can stimulate or irritate the bladder include artificial sweeteners, spicy foods, tomato based foods, citrus, carbonated drinks, and alcohol.
If you rule those out, you may want to try a technique used in rehabilitation centers called scheduled toileting.
The first step is to pick a time interval — say every two hours. Then once she rises in the morning and every two hours throughout the day, your mother should go into the bathroom and try to urinate. This helps to avoid that sudden “urge” that can be problematic.
An additional step is to use one of the many incontinence products that are available.
It is important not to ignore this because if left untreated, it could worsen and it may cause your mother to stay home more. If she is afraid of having an accident, she might begin to avoid things she would normally enjoy.
Isolation can lead to other medical conditions so, even though it it’s a hard conversation, it is important to address this. For more information and resources you can check out the National Association for Continence website at www.nafc.org
Good luck with this! I know it can be very uncomfortable to talk about these things, but I do appreciate the fact that you asked an uncomfortable question.
Jean Mueller has been a registered nurse for over 30 years. Her experience includes working in home care settings, skilled nursing care, and training individuals to become certified nursing assistants. For the past 13 years she has worked in the Aging Services department of the Madison Diocese Catholic Charities.