Resurrecting my understanding
of God's love

		Living the Scriptures  with St. Paul University  Catholic Center  Brad Stuczynski

As the priest raised his hand over my bowed head, and began to speak the prayer of absolution, I eagerly awaited the Lord's pardon from this one shameful sin that needed closure.

As he began, "God, the Father of mercies . . . ," my heart felt uneasy. Would God send me away from this sacrament with an unfinished load of laundry, and leave me with a stained and unforgiven soul? Perhaps I just needed more prayer, more penance, more fasting, more confession, and more time to sit with my sin.

Easter Sunday (March 27, 2005) Acts 10:34a, 37-43 Ps 118:1-2, 16-17, 22-23 Col 3:1-4 or 1 Cor 5:6b-8 Luke 24: 13-35

The priest continued his prayer, " . . . through the ministry of the Church may God give you peace and pardon . . ." Where's the peace? Where's my pardon?

Was it the ministry of Reconciliation that was failing? Was Jesus Christ really working through this priest, in persona Christi? Did the earthly forgiveness this priest offered truly correspond to heavenly forgiveness? Were all the angels in heaven rejoicing over my repentance, or were they doubting also?

Mary of Magdala came to the tomb expecting Jesus to be dead, and I began thinking that I came to confession also expecting Jesus to be dead, and void of his healing powers and radical mercy. She asked Peter and John, "We don't know where they put him?" and I wondered where the priest put Jesus, because I just didn't feel his presence that day through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

They did not yet understand the Scripture that he had to rise from the dead, and I was at a loss as to how I was ever going to rise from the death of this sin.

What Scripture did I fail to understand? I failed to understand the radical love of God, the Father of Mercies. This Father of Mercies seeks out the lost sheep, invites sinners to dine with him, knocks persistently at the doors of our hearts, waits for His prodigals to come home, gives His disciples life to the full, works for the good of all who love Him, and gives every spiritual blessing to those in Christ.

He did not condemn the woman at the well who had five husbands, nor would He allow the stoning of the prostitute. His love is so tremendously scandalous that He gave himself up as a sacrifice and atonement for my sins, and those of the whole world.

	Reflection questions • Where might you be underestimating the healing power of God's mercy? • What image or Scripture verse reminds you of God's unconditional love? Perhaps you could reflect on this passage the next time you don't feel God's forgiveness and mercy. • Who could you bring hope and healing to by deepening their understanding of God's love?

Yet, with all this promise of resurrection and new life, my blurred spiritual vision trapped me in the clenches of death and unforgiveness. I battled to overcome the mis-belief that God had a Brad Stuczynski exemption clause that prohibited forgiveness from this one shameful sin, and that I still needed more of my own effort to overcome.

Whether I felt pardoned or not, the priest concluded, " . . . and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

God's word was spoken. His love would not rely on my effort; His forgiveness would not wait for my feelings. My understanding of God's merciful love was resurrected.

Brad Stuczynski is an alumnus of UW-Madison and St. Paul University Catholic Center. He is now working and living in Baraboo with his wife Laura, and is currently the proud papa of their six-month old daughter, Clare.

St. Paul's Web site is www.stpaulscc.org

Faith Alive!

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