Doubt: Tool or crutch?

		Living the Scriptures  with St. Paul University  Catholic Center  Melanie Carter-Pfeil

Enter Thomas, in the prime of his apostleship, filled with the Holy Spirit, performing miracles, esteemed by many. Moments later he doubts and seems to completely lose courage. How can Jesus use someone so weak as Thomas? Or me?

Thomas' situation was complex: his closest friends told him a strange and seemingly unbelievable tale that his beloved friend and mentor had come back to life. To believe seemed crazy and risky. To invest his belief and then find the opposite to be true would be an unbearable cut to the heart.

Second Sunday of Easter (April 18, 2004) Acts 5:12-16 Ps 118:2-4, 13-15, 22-24 Rv 1:9-11a, 12-13, 17-19 Jn 20:19-31

I think that God has me in mind when he chides, "Oh ye of little faith." I have witnessed so many little miracles - "proofs" of the presence of God in my personal life - things as simple as a beautiful flower or sunrise, or a community of faith drawn into a spirit of worship while singing a hymn of praise, or as powerful as a friend's small child coming out of a coma on Easter Sunday a few years ago.

Thomas also witnessed miracles of healing and conversion. I know God's power and investment in my personal life, as did Thomas. So why do we allow ourselves to be tempted by doubt?

Doubt used as a crutch is safe, acceptable, and protects us from rejection. We can easily justify our doubt when there is no proof and completely forego the process of discernment we need to find truth.

But to the Christian, God has a higher calling to use doubt as a tool for growth. To the person whose heart is open to the working of the Holy Spirit, there is potential for God to work radically, as he did in the apostles.

Little wonder that the crowd esteemed the apostles and was too awed to join them. The apostles had chosen a greater risk, and that risk brings with it a higher potential to be rejected. But, ah, there is also the potential for a higher reward.

The people who were afraid to join the apostles were probably true in their conversion, but afraid of the risk. We could join them in their safe belief, but today's readings challenge us to be converted to Christ as radically as the apostles were. So . . . how do we get to that place of radical risk and gain?

As soon as he realized his doubt, Thomas said an immediate prayer of recognition: "My Lord and My God." This act of humility was enough for Jesus, who patiently allowed Thomas' doubt to eventually work for good, teaching us all to believe even when we don't see.

	Reflection questions • When I experience doubt, what are the ways in which I can get back to the basics of my own faith? • How is Jesus calling me to a more radical conversion?

I have my own prayer in times of doubt: "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." There is a simple song I once learned on retreat: "Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive."

My doubt can seem debilitating, but those two prayers help me to put one foot in front of the other, turning back to the times when I feel ready to risk radically for Christ. Each step is important in the journey of a believer.

Melanie Carter-Pfeil led The Mustard Seed worship group at St. Paul's and was associate director of Camp Gray for six years before her recent retirement to become a full-time mom.

St. Paul's Web site is www.stpaulscc.org

Faith Alive!

In a Nutshell No matter how much success people have, they also carry a history of personal failure. Successes and failures move some people to become men and women of great compassion. In the muck of our "failures" we often find the pearl of great price! And the light of our successes helps us to see and understand our failures more clearly. Catholic News Service 3211 Fourth St NE Washington DC 20017 202.541.3250 cns@catholicnews.com	Food for Thought   "Success" and "failure" are complex realities. There seems to be some tendency to quantify things when defining something a success. Does that make more money or more IQ points a sign of success? Am I more successful if I have eight good friends than if I have two? We may tend to think that events are proceeding successfully when they make us happy or joyful, or at least leave us feeling that our lives are "in order." But does that mean we're failing somewhat when our mood gets a little down or when developments seriously challenge us, fatigue us or introduce some disorderly unpleasantness into life? I think it is important to be careful when judging our efforts and undertakings, and even ourselves, as "failures." Probably some people too readily judge themselves successful. But I know some people who are too hard on themselves. full story   Acceptable Times, Both Good and Bad By Dolores R. Leckey Catholic News Service Who has walked this earth without feeling stabs of disappointment or discouragement or even failure? Who has moved through life completely free of challenges of one kind or another? No one, I think. From early childhood our experiences of trying and failing -- and trying again -- provide the stuff of learning. The child learns to walk, but must endure falls. So it goes. full story  Spiritual Reflections on Failures and Disappointments By Father John W. Crossin, OSFS Catholic News Service When we stumble and fall on our spiritual journey, we should acknowledge our fault, humble our heart, and pick ourselves up and move on. St. Francis de Sales [d. 1622] goes on to say that such falls are inevitable. We should not devote too much time to thinking about them -- or in today's language, to becoming unduly "stressed." In cases of serious sins, we should confess. In most cases, we need to move on quietly, humbly. full story  True Test of Mettle: How Successes and Failures Are Handled By Father Frederic Maples, SJ Catholic News Service Ever see the movie "Hoosiers"? It is the true story of a small-town boys' basketball team that, against great odds, won the Indiana state championship. It is a story of success by ordinary people based on hard work and hard-won confidence. I don't know how life turned out for the boys who won that championship so many years ago. I certainly don't know how life turned out for the countless boys who never made it to such a championship. full story
	Faith in the Marketplace   This Week's Discussion Point: Did you (or someone you know) ever experience something you first deemed a failure, only to find later it had prompted steps that allowed greater happiness to enter your life?     Selected Response From Readers:
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