Let's not take fathers for granted

For Mother's Day, I wrote about the importance of mothers and motherhood, pointing out that we can't take mothers for granted - especially in today's society. The same is certainly true for fathers. I can't let Father's Day (June 15) go by without reflecting on the crucial role of fathers in parenting children.

	Editor's View Mary C. Uhler

My father's impact on my life

My own father had a deep impact on my life. My father met my mother when they both taught in a small public high school in Wisconsin. They went on to other schools but kept in touch. Eventually they married, at a later age than many others at that time.

One reason for the delay in marriage was that my Dad took care of his own aging father. With Irish families this was often the case. And being the only single sibling in the family, it was my Dad who was the natural caregiver.

As a teacher, my father was known as a strict disciplinarian. But at home, he was a loving father who enjoyed playing with me and my sister. I still remember his getting down on the floor and playing jacks with us!

Our Dad was an avid card player and we learned to play poker and other games at an early age. His cardplaying skills were one of the reasons he got along so well with my mother's German relatives (theirs was considered a "mixed marriage" - Irish and German - even though they were both Catholics).

He also loved to talk and we had great discussions, sometimes arguing about politics and religion. But we always did it with a good-natured spirit. I also inherited my love of reading and writing from my Dad. He loved mystery novels and unfailingly kept in touch by letter with friends and relatives.

Importance of faith

His faith was evident in everything he did. My Dad kept a Rosary in his pocket and often I'd see him moving the beads. When he died when I was only 16, we had a Rosary engraved on his monument.

He made sure we attended Mass and weekly Mother of Perpetual Help devotions. He also visited the sick, attended funerals, and helped those in need. In summer he planted a large garden and took buckets of vegetables throughout the neighborhood.

My husband, John, has raised our children in a very similar style of parenting, with gentle discipline, a sense of humor, and quietly witnessing a strong faith. Now, as our first granddaughter has been born, I can see our son following in his father's footsteps as a loving Dad.

Qualities of effective fathers

A noted sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood. His work is discussed in a publication on The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children on the Web site www.childwelfare.gov Dr. Popenoe says, "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring." This publication notes seven dimensions of effective fathering:

• Fostering a positive relationship with the children's mother
  
  
• Spending time with children
  
  
• Nurturing children
  
  
• Disciplining children appropriately
  
  
• Serving as a guide to the outside world
  
  
• Protecting and providing
  
  
• Serving as a positive role model.

Fathers may not excel in all seven of these dimensions, but fathers who do well in most of them will serve their children and families well, say the experts.

Marriage and fatherhood

This publication also emphasizes the link between marriage and fatherhood. Caring, involved fathers do exist outside of marriage. However, they are more likely to be found in the context of marriage. Research consistently shows that the married mother-and-father family is a better environment for raising children.

We salute men who take responsibility for their sexuality within the context of marriage, who are open to children, and who parent their children with love. Let's thank all the fathers in our families on June 15, pray for them, and encourage them in their important parenting role.

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