Drowning in doubt:
Finding a beacon in the dark

		Living the Scriptures  with St. Paul University  Catholic Center  Kat Bushman

The other day I lost my keys.

Normally this wouldn't really bother me; I tend to lose a lot of stuff. But it had been a bad week. I couldn't find a new job, couldn't find a new apartment, couldn't find my other set of keys, had too much to do, had too much packing to do in too few days. I was stressed out.

Only a week before, everything in my life was going swimmingly; I was happy and knew that God was taking care of me. But things started to go badly when I began to doubt. And once the doubt took over, there was nothing left but that little voice that kept repeating, "It's okay. You're going to be fine."

19th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Aug. 7, 2005) 1 Kgs 19:9a, 11-13a Ps 85:9, 10, 11-12, 13-14 Rom 9:1-5 Mt 14:22-33

I tried hard to smother that voice. No, it wasn't going well. Things will never work out. I buried myself in all the little failures in my day, even ones I usually would write off as just another casualty of life - like not being able to open the window on the first try or dropping all the paper clips on the floor.

In my unhappiness I focused on everything that was going wrong and told myself I was a failure.

But the voice didn't go away. It never does; it keeps on whispering in my heart, so even when I'm sinking under all that doubt, drowning in that sea of frustration, self-loathing and unhappiness, there's a beacon in the dark, drawing me towards safer waters. All I have to do is ask for help. Lord, save me!

He always does. He always has been beside me, waiting for me to turn to Him in my need. And when I cry out to Him, surrendering my worries and my fears, He reaches out and draws me into His arms and gently chides me, asking, "Why did you doubt?"

I doubted because my faith wasn't strong enough to trust in You. But, Lord, it was strong enough that, in my time of need, I knew to Whom I would call.

I reached the bottom of my sea the other day. Perhaps the tide was at low flow, because it didn't seem like I had sunk that far before the waves started to close over my head, but late at night, as I sat in the dark, I realized that I had to call to Him.

	Reflection questions • How can I keep doubt from clouding my relationship with God? • Where in my life do I doubt God's support?

I went to find my Bible, to do some reflection on His Word, but it wasn't in my room. Thinking I might have left it on my desk, I went downstairs, and, sure enough, it was there. I had just picked it up and was making my way back to my room when I noticed a light on in one of the other rooms. I popped in my head to flip the switch, and there on the desk were my keys.

And He and I, a sheepish expression on my face, got back in the boat. It should be smooth sailing from here.

Kat Bushman, a graduate of UW-Madison with a degree in genetics and life science communications, worked at St. Paul University Catholic Center from January to July as receptionist, liturgical friend, and all-around intern. She also sang in the Sunday choirs.

St. Paul's Web site is www.stpaulscc.org

House for all peoples:
Welcoming the 'foreigners' among us

		Living the Scriptures  with St. Paul University  Catholic Center  Fr. Brian Wilk

A theme in today's readings from Isaiah and Matthew is inclusiveness.

Isaiah refers to the "foreigners" in Israel. The question was raised as to whether or not the benefits of salvation should be extended to them.

The Lord answered by saying, "My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples."

20th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Aug. 14, 2005) Is 56:1, 6-7 Ps 67:2-3, 5, 6, 8 Rom 11:13-15, 29-32 Mt 15:21-28

The early church faced a similar issue with regard to the Gentiles. Matthew tells of Jesus breaking down the barriers between Jew and Gentile. Jesus reached out to the Gentiles such as the Canaanite woman in the Gospel. After the resurrection of Jesus, the early church also began to extend its mission to the Gentiles.

To me inclusiveness is really a form of evangelization. The conflict between Jews and Gentiles was a great theological controversy of the first century. Although this is not a burning issue in our lives today, there are always new "foreigners" approaching the church and us.

Many are people simply seeking some seed of faith. Some are seeking to belong to a community of understanding and love which may be lacking in their lives. Others are seeking a better understanding of Catholic belief and teaching. Still others seek a full involvement in the church and we meet them each year through the RCIA programs in our parishes.

These, and many others, are people who need to experience our inclusiveness. They need to experience a true welcome and hospitality that should be a part of all Christian communities. If we are people of inclusion and welcome, we are true evangelizers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Inclusiveness, however, extends far beyond the boundaries of our churches. In the Gospel, Jesus encountered a woman begging for his attention and love. She wished to have her daughter cured. She had faith that Jesus could help her.

At the time Jesus and his apostles had withdrawn to a secluded area. They wished to have a break. However, no sooner had they arrived at their destination and the encounter with the woman took place.

How do we react when we encounter someone seeking our assistance at a time when we really don't want it to happen? I think it would be fair to say that some of us might not like the experience.

We might refuse to help the person. We might justify our response by saying we do not have time, that we cannot help everyone or that our assistance will only encourage further requests for help.

Knowing what our human reaction might be, we can take some comfort from the Gospel story. The apostles' reaction was not unlike our own. For them the woman was a nuisance who needed to be dismissed.

We might be surprised by Jesus' own reaction as well. At first he ignored her and put her off. However, she did not take no for an answer and finally Jesus granted her request.

	Reflection questions • Do I consciously make "inclusiveness" part of my daily Christian living, or is it something I work toward only when it is convenient? • When daily life bogs me down, what can I do to think more about what it means to truly live the Gospels?

Like Jesus, our own encounters with others can truly awaken and reveal the heart. They can generate feelings of tenderness, compassion, kindness, and community. All of these are at the core of inclusiveness.

These encounters can show us that it is possible to love more and to give more of ourselves as Christians. They can change us. They can call us forth to evangelize by our inclusiveness as we reach out to the "foreigners" among us.

Fr. Brian Wilk is parochial vicar at St. Dennis Parish in Madison.

St. Paul's Web site is www.stpaulscc.org

Faith Alive!

Faith Alive! is published bi-weekly during the summer. The next Faith Alive! will appear in the August 18 issue of the Catholic Herald.