Abortion:
Making it legal has not made it safe for women, men

	Guest commentary  Mary T. Mead

I would like to respond to Mary Berg's letter (Catholic Herald, Mailbag, Oct. 21) where she ". . . believes that abortion should be safe, legal, and rare" and also states that "There are times when abortion is a prudent choice for a woman."

Making abortion legal does not make it safe. Every year there are women who die having a legal abortion. There are also women who have physical complications every year as a result of a legal abortion.

I have met many women who have never been able to conceive another child following their abortion. Abortions became safer when antibiotics were discovered, not when abortion became legal.

Harms women, men

Even when physical injury, death, and complications do not occur, abortion is not safe because it harms the soul and spirit of the women and men who are involved.

I have volunteered in the area of post-abortion ministry since 1988 and I can tell you that women and men do not come out of the abortion experience untouched. This is the kind of statement that you will often hear, "My baby didn't just die that day, I died on that table, too."

More than one person dies in an abortion. A woman is mortally wounded deep in her soul and her spirit, the very essence of who she is dies. This decision affects her sexuality, her womanhood, her motherhood.

Act of desperation

Regarding the decision to abort, some women will make a statement like, "I felt like an animal caught in a trap and I had to gnaw my foot off to get out of it."

Abortion is an act of desperation, not prudence. Abortion is not a choice - it is a decision usually based on fear and is influenced by the moral failure of the people who surround the woman. This is not the sin of one person; many people are involved for an abortion to occur.

The mantra of choice is a lie. This choice of abortion is not life-giving, it is death-giving.

Yes, sometimes after an abortion there is a short period of relief, the problem is over. You feel better for awhile. However, this period doesn't usually last very long.

Deadening the pain

In order to survive one goes into a state of denial, denial of the reality of what happened. It is the only way to live with the pain and you have to deaden the pain.

During this time some women enter into alcohol and drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, anything to deaden the pain.

A lot of avoidance behaviors are also experienced: avoid babies, avoid the children's department of a clothing store, avoid going to a toy store, avoid visiting that new baby in the family, turn off the TV and radio if the abortion topic comes up, change the conversation away from abortion, avoid going to the doctor for a gynecological exam because of intrusive memories that pop up, avoid using one's vacuum cleaner if one has had a vacuum abortion, avoid sleeping because of nightmares, etc, etc.

Many women and men I have known have suffered tremendous guilt, sadness, depression, anger, self-hatred, and trauma following an abortion.

Grieving leads to anger, forgiveness

When women and men come to a place where they finally feel safe to grieve the loss of their child, they also receive permission to be angry and to go to God for forgiveness. There may be anger at God, the boyfriend, husband, parents, friends, doctor, medical staff, and self.

After working through the anger, forgiveness of others also becomes a component in the healing process.

If anyone reading this or someone you know is struggling from the aftermath of abortion, call the Diocese of Madison Office of Family Ministry's Project Rachel, 608-821-3175 or go to www.rachelsvineyard.org or call Care Net at 608-259-1605 or check out www.afterabortion.org

Abortion is not like getting your tooth pulled; it affects your whole life. Please do not mislead people into thinking this is a prudent decision. The women who have had abortions do not feel that career, school, economic, or personal situations were worth taking the life of one's child. They miss their child; they grieve for their children.

Yes, there can be healing following an abortion and God can forgive, but it is a long process. I don't think most of us would have made that choice if we had known what a death-giving decision it would be. "Women deserve better than abortion."

Mary T. Mead, Madison, is a volunteer with Care Net Pregnancy Center in Madison.