Being Christ's disciple: A young man's cross

		Living the Scriptures  with St. Paul University  Catholic Center  Brad Stuczynski

"Let's just lay down on the futon and take a nap. I'm tired." Laura suggested. "That sounds good to me!" I replied, knowing that laying down on the futon meant a chance to be close to the woman I planned on marrying in a few months.

Laura and I spent a lot of time early in our relationship talking and praying about physical boundaries. From the beginning we sought purity in our relationship, and we guided our boundary establishment by strong Christian role models, Joshua Harris books, and scriptures such as Ephesians 5:3 (. . . among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality).

I am not saying we were without our hints, but God's grace helped us refine many actions and opened our eyes to see the incredible freedom that comes with living in obedience to purity.

As we nestled our bodies under the warm down comforter, Laura spoke softly, "I love being close."

23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time (Sept. 5, 2004) Wis 9:13-18b Ps 90:3-4, 5-6, 12-13, 14-17 Phmn 9-10, 12-17 Lk 14:25-33

Whether it was the sunny weather, or the bowl of cereal I ate that morning, my mind quickly entered a downward spiral of perverted thoughts. Laura wanted nothing more than a nap and a close friend. I wanted more. I thought how nice it would be to break every boundary we ever established. Laura's eyes closed a bit tighter, and my conscience screamed, "Get out of there, before that burning ring of fire consumes you!" Laura's invitation was innocent, but my mind was not.

Did Laura know what her simple invitation did to me? How did she even think about sleep in a time of such intensity? Could I justify my actions because I was just doing something she asked me?

No, I could not justify lying in bed with this woman any longer! Even though we chose to fight our battle for purity together, this was my battle. This was my cross.

I needed to get up under the weight of lust and carry my cross, at least into a different room until I regained my composure. I needed to show my love to Laura by guarding her rather than tempting her.

I thought of Peter's innocent and seemingly caring plea that Jesus should not have to suffer and be killed. Jesus responded, "Get behind me, Satan!"

Laura helped me more than any other single human on my spiritual journey, and she helped me to see and experience God's love in such a profound way, but on that day, Satan spoke his words through her sweet lips.

Reflection questions • How is discipleship costly for you? • When have the words of a parent, spouse, or sibling helped you justify an action that you know is wrong? • Do you invite God into all areas of your life, even the bedroom? Can you hear your conscience making any suggestions or pleas for purity in your life? Perhaps you could share your thoughts on lust and purity with your partner, friend, or priest.

She had no clue what impact her innocent invitation had. Peter had no clue what impact his plea would have had on Christ, and all humanity.

I knew that as much as Laura and my flesh wanted to snuggle, Jesus did not want that for us at that moment. For me to be Christ's disciple on that day, I had to choose purity over lust, Laura over my flesh, and Christ over my future wife.

On that day I grew a greater understanding of Christ's call: "If anyone comes to me without hating . . . his wife and . . . even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."

Brad Stuczynski is an alumnus of UW-Madison and St. Paul's. He is now working and living in Baraboo with his wife Laura. They are eagerly awaiting the birth of their first child.

St. Paul's Web site is www.stpaulscc.org

Faith Alive!

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