The Queen and me: Reflections on motherhood

		Grand Mom  Audrey  Mettel Fixmer

America's Queen is the newest biography of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis written by Sarah Bradford, the author of other "royal biographies," including Queen Elizabeth and Princess Grace. I am thoroughly enjoying immersing myself once again in "Camelot."

I am finding myself as enchanted by the Kennedys today as I was in the '60s, when I lived through those almost mythological times. At the same time, I am looking at Jackie with a somewhat critical eye. Was she really the wonderful mother everyone claimed her to be? What qualities does a good mother possess?

Nurturing children

The first thing that struck me was how different our experiences of motherhood were. Take the matter of feeding our families. For me, nurturing my children was intrinsically tied in with feeding them. It was an exhausting chore to purchase or grow every morsel of food and prepare well-balanced meals from scratch for my family of 12. On a very tight budget, that even meant baking bread, canning, and freezing food.

Jackie's job, on the other hand, was to oversee the cook, who prepared gourmet food on an unlimited budget. But because I truly love to cook, even to this day, and consider it one of my most creative exercises, I can't help feeling sorry for her. I think she missed out on one of the most rewarding aspects of motherhood, nurturing one's children.

Jackie's children, Caroline and John, had a full time live-in nanny, Miss Maud. I can't help wondering how many of the mother's duties she performed while Jackie was away for a rest or visiting her sister in London, or for some official function as First Lady. These absences would sometimes last for weeks. (And I felt guilty when I stayed in the hospital a full week for the birth of each baby!)

Reading how they let Miss Maud go when Caroline was seven or eight, with no advance warning to the children, made me wonder.

Caroline wrote Miss Maud sad letters for years on end, telling her how much she missed her. Jackie, on the other hand, was furious when Maud wrote a book about her experiences in the White House. As a result, the children were never allowed to see her again. This was just two years after the assassination of their father. They must have felt that they lost both father and mother.

Gifts of motherhood

Every good mother wants to be there when her child needs her. It is natural to play the role of protector and defender, whether it is the neighborhood bully or an unfair teacher or an offending gang. The Kennedy children had the 24-hour protection of Secret Servicemen.

Still, I have no doubt that Jackie took her turn staying up at night with a sick child, or challenging a teacher when she thought her children were treated unfairly. We know that she strictly guarded their privacy from the press. Her challenge was to give them a normal childhood in spite of their money and celebrity; my challenge was to give my children a normal life in spite of the lack of money and time and energy.

Every good mother wants to share her best gifts with her children. Jackie was culturally rich, excelling in languages, art, poetry, and history. In that way she was uniquely qualified to be an outstanding wife to the president, and by the same token to be a good mother. She shared these gifts, along with her Catholic faith, with her children, giving them a lifetime appreciation of beauty.

I could truly identify with that urge to share my love of literature with my children. Unfortunately, my hectic lifestyle did not allow me to do much more than read bedtime stories to my kids and share our values of "faith and education above all else."

Queen and pauper

The irony of this story of "The Queen and the Pauper" is that the one time I met Jackie Kennedy, during a primary campaign visit to Fort Atkinson in 1960, I found her easy to talk to, so much so that I offered to show her where the restroom was.

I took her upstairs in the Black Hawk Hotel, only to find that we had only pay toilets, and she didn't have a dime. I did. I was happy to loan her a dime. Even though in her widowhood she was saved from poverty by marrying Aristotle Onassis, the richest man in the world, she never did repay me for my dime loan. I can't help wondering how much that would be worth with interest today. Can anyone tell me? And where do I send the bill?

"Grandmom" likes hearing from other senior citizens who enjoy aging at P.O. Box 216, Fort Atkinson, WI 53538.

On health care reform

		Eye on the  Capitol  John Huebscher

In his encyclical letter Pacem in terris (Peace on Earth) Pope John XXIII identified medical care and security in case of sickness as basic human rights. In a 1993 resolution on health care reform, the U.S. Bishops reaffirmed that stance.

"Health care is more than a commodity," they wrote. " It is an essential safeguard of human life and dignity. We believe our people's health care should not depend on where they work, how much their parents earn, or where they live."

That so many in our nation lack access to affordable health care remains one of the greatest injustices suffered in our society today. And while a smaller percentage of Wisconsin's populations is uninsured than in most states, we nonetheless have a way to go before the dream of affordable health care for all is realized.

Thus it is timely that a number of organizations and coalitions are offering proposals for reform.

Proposals for reform

Assembly Bill 229, authored by Rep. Mark Miller of Madison, establishes a task force to develop a plan to move Wisconsin to a centralized, state-run health insurance pool by 2008. The only one of the three proposals introduced as a bill to date, it received a public hearing on May 13.

The Wisconsin Medical Society has proposed a series of incremental reforms to the health care coverage and delivery system. The proposal includes quality improvements and envisions mandatory employer sponsored insurance coverage within the next five years.

The state's largest non-profit health insurance provider, WEA Trust, has proposed a number of health care system reforms including centralized claims processing, enhanced health records maintenance, and uniform health care services pricing tables to empower health care consumers to make better health care purchasing decisions. The WEA Trust proposal does not call for significant public sector involvement.

Catholic insights

Catholics have much to offer to the health care debate. As noted above, Catholic social teaching provides a moral framework for the discussion. As a health care provider, the church offers practical insight into the health care delivery system. As an employer, the church itself contends with escalating costs and the question of how to apportion them between employer and employee.

Applying the Catholic insights to the debate, the Wisconsin Catholic Conference has suggested that care reform advocacy should focus on four key principles:

First, any reform must make concern for the poor and universal access a high priority. Those whom the current system excludes should receive first consideration for allocation of health care resources.

Reform must also convey a genuine respect for human life and human dignity. The right to health care is rooted in the intrinsic value of all human life. Thus a reformed system should insure access to care for persons in the womb, throughout infancy and childhood, into adult life, and at the end of life when care is possible even when cure is not.

Correcting imbalance

Reform must pursue the common good and preserve pluralism. A reformed health care system need not be a bureaucratic behemoth. Rather, it is preferable that a reformed system should build on the resources of the private and public sectors working as partners. Further, any system must continue to respect the religious and ethical values of both individuals and institutions that provide the care.

Reform must serve to restrain costs. There is a need to correct the imbalance between our financial investment in health care and our ability to provide a just distribution of health care services.

The debate over health care is one of the most important ones taking place today. Catholics have a good deal to say in that debate. It is important that we say it.

John Huebscher is executive director of the Wisconsin Catholic Conference.

Visiting nursing home residents:
An important ministry

By Fr. Don Lange
FOR THE CATHOLIC HERALD

"Father Don! Here I am! Over here!" a familiar frail voice commanded.

Obediently I turned and walked over to my mother who was a resident of the nursing home in Dubuque. We enjoyed a wonderful visit. In a way it seemed like Mother's Day. And through grace I guess it was.

Appropriately this year National Nursing Home Week does begin on Mother's Day on May 11 and ends on May 17. Sponsored by American Health Care Association (AHCA), this week spotlights the crucial care nursing home facilities play in delivering quality care to our nation's seniors and disabled Americans. According to AHCA, 1.5 million of them reside in nursing facilities.

Sacred places

While teaching at Beloit Catholic High, I began a Confirmation group of students who visited a local nursing home every Sunday for awhile. After the group was confirmed, I continued to visit by myself for about 10 years. Now I preside whenever I can at Masses at nursing homes. Based upon these experiences, I offer some reflections from the viewpoint of a visitor.

I believe that nursing homes are sacred places because they are home for the aged who image God in unique ways. These aged often are in the twilight of life as is my mother.

Sometimes, too, nursing homes are "home" for younger persons who are handicapped and who need special care. For many residents though a nursing home is not really "home," it can never replace the real home that they had to leave in order to receive better care.

Need for visitors

For these reasons many nursing home residents long for visitors who seldom come and never stay. They linger like the last leaf of summer on the tree of loneliness. Frail and forgotten, they never seem to have many visitors.

On the other hand, because of their loneliness and vulnerability, no matter how often one visits some residents, it never seems to be enough. But regardless of the physical and psychological condition of the resident, they almost always appreciate visitors.

Visiting nursing home residents is a corporal work of mercy. Early in his pontificate in his Angelus message, Pope John Paul II said, " . . . I express deep appreciation to all those persons who find the time and the way to approach and to assist the elderly who are most in need because they are abandoned or forgotten . . . ."

"Christian faith helps us to see the face of Jesus himself under the face of those in need," said the Holy Father.

Visiting guidelines

Even if one is a veteran visitor, he or she might find it helpful to check with the nursing home for visiting guidelines. If the visitor does not have someone to visit, some nursing homes might suggest residents who would appreciate a visit.

They may also recommend that the visitor can minister to the residents by reading to them, by writing letters, by swapping stories, or by sharing memories of "the good old days." The visitor might also share his or her favorite Bible passage, show pictures, and if possible bring a child for residents usually love children. Above all the visitor must be creative and ask the Spirit to show him or her ways to minister to the nursing home resident.

Gifts to share

Through active creative listening, the visitor will soon discover that the residents have gold mines of gifts to share. Some of their gifts include humor, patience, faith, advice, and friendship.

The visitor will also soon learn that the elderly are survivors who have survived war, heartbreak, illness, and near death. These experiences have given them wisdom, which is etched on their faces and woven into the tapestry of stories they share.

The elderly offer a preview of a stage of life that the visitor may someday experience. Their presence may cause the visitor to reflect upon death, resurrection, and upon their own quality of life.

Brightening lives

At the famous Last Judgement scene in Scripture in Matthew 25:40, the Son of Man says to those whom he is about to judge, "I assure you as often as you did it to one of my least brothers, you did it for me!" Then he invites them to enjoy the fullness of Eternal Life.

A visitor's sincere interest, encouraging words, their faithful friendly smile, and prayers can help to brighten the lives of the aged and the handicapped. A visitor, too, might be consoled by the thought that someday if they are in a nursing home, someone may visit them.

And so if you are a regular or occasional visitor, keep up the good work. If not, why not give it a try. The benefits are heavenly!

May all nursing home staffs and residents have a fruitful Nursing Home Week.

Fr. Don Lange is pastor of St. Bridget Parish, Ridgeway, and Immaculate Conception Parish, Barneveld.