Remembering the dead:

All Souls Day, Cemetery Sunday

Following a tradition begun in 1978, the president of the National Catholic Cemetery Conference, Irwin C. Benken, CCCE, director of Gate of Heaven Cemetery for the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Ohio, has issued a statement on the significance of Cemetery Sunday, Nov. 4, an annual day of visitation to the sacred grounds of Catholic cemeteries across the United States and Canada:

Now I understand. Then I didn't. All I knew then, as a child, was that my parents insisted I go with them to the cemetery every year.

It was a special Sunday. People sang, a priest preached, and a ceremony was held. Then we went home.

It seemed rather boring to me. I was too young to realize the place that traditions hold in the lives of people.

Celebrating our traditions

Traditions help us remember; they tell us what is important. As we celebrate our traditions, we remember the past -- its people and events. Then we hand on to the present generation the things we consider important. We learn that we are part of the bigger story of life.

Tevye put it well in Fiddler On The Roof. "Because of our traditions, every one of us knows who he is, and what God expects him to do."

Cemetery Sunday says "who we are." We are people who are here because of other people. We are here because others cared for us and loved us -- even suffered for us that we might have a better life. Their DNA is part of our bodies, their faith is part of our souls. They preceded us into this world. Now they precede us into the next and await our coming on some distant future day.

Belief in the communion of saints

Cemetery Sunday tells "what God expects us to do." God expects us to remember and respect those who have gone before us. As Catholics we believe in the "communion of saints." We believe there is and always will be a connection between us and those who have died and that God expects us to form one big caring family of His.

God wants us to know that death does not completely separate us from each other. We are never totally alone. That's a comforting thought. Repeating our tradition helps us remember.

Pray for the deceased, visit graves

Realizing the difficulties families faced in participating in the Feast of All Souls on Nov. 2, 23 years ago the National Catholic Cemetery Conference proposed that Catholic Cemetery Sunday be observed on the first Sunday in November. This year that date falls on Nov. 4.

Among religious traditions, this is a day set aside to pray for the deceased and to visit the graves of loved ones and friends in a show of respect to those who have gone before.

Healthy families:

Take control of their lives

My career in ministry began at the end of the 1960s teaching college theology courses.

My most popular course was Christian Marriage and Family. As part of lectures, I would use the hypothetical couple John and Mary as examples. John and Mary had every possible problem imaginable in marriage and family life.

Unlike John and Mary, our struggles and challenges are real. But it might help to look at how John and Mary respond to today's forces that are pulling our families apart. There is one phrase that John and Mary use a great deal. It sums up their attitude, and they say it often to each other: "Let's take back our family."

For a long time John and Mary had allowed everyone else to set the pattern and tone for their marriage and family. They decided to take responsibility and action. Here is what they did.

They shortened their long working hours that keep them away from each other and their children; they reduced their children's activity schedule so they spent less time chauffeuring.

They also remind each other repeatedly that their marriage is the foundation of their family; they make an effort to limit the time given to T.V. watching and surfing the internet and make these family activities; they renewed their focus on spiritual values and participation in their faith community.

John and Mary also limited the time and importance they placed on shopping and increased the time they volunteered to help others.

John and Mary are just like us, not perfect. They lose their cool at times, get lazy, make poor decisions, but they have one ace in the hole: they keep focused on the vision of a healthy, happy family and do their best each day.

Each of the November issues of The Catholic Herald will have information on aspects of what it means to be a healthy family. This information and the related activities and prayers are offered to you by the Diocesan Family Life Ministers of the State of Wisconsin. Use them to assist you in "taking back your family."

Michael Nachman is director of the Diocese of Madison's Office of Family Ministry and Office of Religious Education.